Over the last week or so, I’ve been so caught up in my studies – last minute panic and breakdown – my work, and life in general, my mind’s in a complete tizz right now.
Last Friday I had a thought I hadn’t had in nearly 10 years. It came to me at work. I couldn’t push the thought aside. It may have been out of desperation, a need to escape it all.
I wanted to reach for my old hand guards and have a swing on a bar.
I needed to switch it all off, hang loose…..and just swing. I seriously hadn’t felt that impulse since shortly after I finished gymnastics training.
What. a. moment (or few). I nearly cried.
I realised right then that whatever was happening in my life, while I was training, gymnastics – doing a beam routine, running down the vault run, tumbling, swingin’ between the uneven bars, absolutely physically exhausting myself – was a means to escape. Not always though. But when I needed to, I could think about nothing, just allow my body take over in flow and movement. It was a release. I truly enjoyed training and competing.
Some days I’d like to not think, be in a quiet state of mind, have no thoughts running races around my head. Just still. Be totally in the moment.
I miss my gymnastics. I really do. It was my whole life. Lived it, breathed it, dreamed it (still do).
I wish I could have it back, if only to wear the Queensland uniform, compete at Nationals just once more, do the bar routine I was working on and win gold again.