Freedom to (not) Think

Over the last week or so, I’ve been so caught up in my studies – last minute panic and breakdown – my work, and life in general, my mind’s in a complete tizz right now.

Last Friday I had a thought I hadn’t had in nearly 10 years. It came to me at work. I couldn’t push the thought aside. It may have been out of desperation, a need to escape it all.

I wanted to reach for my old hand guards and have a swing on a bar.

I needed to switch it all off, hang loose…..and just swing. I seriously hadn’t felt that impulse since shortly after I finished gymnastics training.

What. a. moment (or few). I nearly cried.

I realised right then that whatever was happening in my life, while I was training, gymnastics – doing a beam routine, running down the vault run, tumbling, swingin’ between the uneven bars, absolutely physically exhausting myself – was a means to escape. Not always though. But when I needed to, I could think about nothing, just allow my body take over in flow and movement. It was a release. I truly enjoyed training and competing.

Some days I’d like to not think, be in a quiet state of mind, have no thoughts running races around my head. Just still. Be totally in the moment.

I miss my gymnastics. I really do. It was my whole life. Lived it, breathed it, dreamed it (still do).

I wish I could have it back, if only to wear the Queensland uniform, compete at Nationals just once more, do the bar routine I was working on and win gold again.

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  1. My son used to crave the ‘black line’ of the swimming pool in the same way – he found swimming training restful for his mind, even when it was tiring for his body.

    I’ve never competed at a high level tournament but I’ve been to plenty as a water polo parent (same kid) and now that he’s 19 and there’s no more school, state & national tournaments I miss going, miss the people I used to meet there, miss the buzz of the tournament atmosphere. In fact, I think I miss them more than he does!

    Go back, compete as an ‘oldie’, even if it’s just to get it out of your system 🙂

    1. Oh if only gymnastics worked that way. I’m too old to go back. I have no where near the strength I once had. If my body could still do it all, I’d give one of my coaches a call and ask if I could come into their gym to play for a while. 😉

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